CNY

Happy Chinese New Year everyone. Enjoy the hong baos. Enjoy the cakes. Enjoy the Pork slices. Suffer later in camp. But till then; Enjoy everyone! wooooooo 

 

 

One Year

Orientation 06. I suppose these really came out late but I had no time to post them as I took them the day before I enlisted. Sigh. one year. I suppose these really put me into perspective. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

moobs 

Orientation 2006

First picture of the new year. One year. one whole year. 

24th Jan 2006:: 42 days left
So much for the quickened pace. Within seconds of my last log, my blissful contemplation was interrupted as a Sir's barging into the Lecture hall. Quietly he looked around, and asked for whether the lecture was on. Well, its hard to say especially since we were ordered to go into the hall 45 minutes ago, and there is still no lecturer.
He smiled as if everything was pre-planned and screamed at the top of his lungs for us the get our water bottles and fall in within 3 minutes. ( quite a tough feat considering 180 recruits have to fit through one door and I have to climb 3 levels up then 5 levels down) Then it hits me. There never was a lecture. it was never planned to begin with. It was all an elaborate way to perform bunk inspection when we are caught off-guard.
I ran up the stairs, panting, I could hear my own breath at the back of the throat. Rushed to my bunk and I stood, shocked for a split second. It was a wreck. Mattresses out the door, the table flipped over, the chairs stuck in the window. My personal bed was intact, but the whole room looked like New Orleans. The bunk is screwed.
woohoo. I dont think I should continue writing. Its not nice.

Pacing

23th Jan 2006:: 43 days left

The days seem to be getting faster. The morning, the breakfast, the training, lunch, training and dinner. The pace of life is really picking up.I supposed this is good. Very goood. Good sign.
I have been pondering in the loops of 'what if's. ' What if' Army would be cancelled tomorrow and I can return to my life in ACJC? 'What if' I make it through as a pilot and attain financial independence within 3 months of NS? 'What if' they would just let it go and leave me alone? 'What if' everything, this whole nightmare would come to a halt and 'What if' God suddenly appears to hold my hand, willingly work out the RO of my life with me. 'What if' ... So many damn What ifs in my life.
Before I came in, I swore to myself that I would never become an animal. I would never smoke, never swear... never become desperate. Yet sadly, I know that I have been dehumanised.Last week at the class party I found myself grunting like an angry hog.
Perhaps I should look at things from another perspective. Does army really make guys desperate. From MY observations, yes. But I really dont think that this is caused my the over-drive of testosterone or the lack of females. Rather, its the glorification of the attached status. As such many guys see getting attached not as a mere bloodlust but perhaps more as a form of recognition. Cases of True Love ignored in this theory. Nevertheless, there are other reasons. Being in Camp disconnects you from the outside world. In some warped way, having a girlfriend not only helps you share your troubles but also keeps you anchored to society. Having a girlfriend helps you preserve the little shreds of your old life.
There are times when I myself want that special connection with someone to anchor myself, feel secured. But then again. I have my friends and God. Argh. I tell myself that I need no anchor when I have a safety net. But lies, lies, I'm just comforting myself. Bull

Fresh Meat

20th Jan 2006:: 45 days left

Fresh Meat...
Look, Here comes the fresh meat. Leopard and Uylessus. Watching them fit in would be interesting. Meanwhile, here I am having a gentle night learning the Infantry Song.

We are the Bedrock of our Army
Wanting to keep our people free
Committed to the independence of our nation
We are the men from the infantry

There will never be a mountain too high,
Or a Road too tough for us~
We are about to rule the day
And the Darkest night
We will never rest till the wrong is right.

From the land air and sea,
We will strike our enemy~
They have called us the cream of the battlefield
[whoa] We are brothers in arms
We are brothers proud to be
We are the first, the one, the only infantry

We're a special band of brothers
Raised to./... (scribbling goes haywire then abruptly stops)

An Army Log: During Confinement period

15th Jan 2006:: 50 days left

Fatigue. Tiredness. Within the blink of an eye, I ran my 2.4 Km today. Immediately after that, I did my 4 K march. As if things weren't tiring enough. Perhaps what makes Army so tiring is not really the routine order but the efforts the authorities demand from us to enforce a 'satisfactory standard'. I do agree that a perfect form is essential when carrying out orders. Move fast, do fast, do it properly. But this form of control can become extremely pointless when used in excess. For example, we are ordered to greet all superiors upon seeing them. Ironically, these supposedly polite greetings loses its sincerity when enforced so rigidly.
While I am scribbling this in the my little black book we are waiting for the OC (officer in command) to come in to give his opening address.Hmmph, he's late by 15 minutes. Oh look, there he enters, what an apt coming. He scuffles slightly and tells us with hesistation that he was supposed to give us this address last week but he forgot. Hmpph, one week late. I suppose this shows how he---- WAIT----- He is GOOD. He IS PERFECT! He just told us that we may be booking out early for CNY Weekend. YES. HE IS PERFECT! HE is Great!
( post log upon reflection: Sometimes, our behaviours and perception of people reflects ourselves to a greater extent. All our love, all our camaradie, all our hate compares nothing to our lust for a book-out)

____________
11th Jan 2006 :: 54 days left

Rain. more rain. Everything is cancelled and area cleaning dominates the day. wooohooo. I feel close to God. I really do. Looking at these new buddies of mine, I miss my old friends. I miss ____, I miss __, ____, __, _____, _____. You guys know who you are so theres no need for any uselss PDA.
Some other thoughts, moral exists. But honour doesn't. Honour is a fancy name for reputation and ego. People always blur the black and white line between right and wrong to justify their own actions. Grey causes complications.
In the same way, my own black and white mind is getting blurred. I dont know what should I strive for anymore. OCS seems so out of reach. Screwed up my buddy to the point of possible OOT. Everything in snowballing up. Maybe that is why I feel so close to God. I need his security. desperately. Thank God I have Darrell in my bunk. The Old-dog is really showing me the ropes and calming me down. Rank, pay, prestige aren't everything. Take it easy.

I was supposed

I was supposed to blog of sorts. Perhaps of how an enlistees' life would be. But in my hurry of a 5 minute change parade, I left my daily diary in my locker. Hence, there should be no update. There is a subtle calling for me to stop writing.

He found a formula for drawing comic rabbits,
and this formula for drawing comic rabbits paid
So in the end he could not change the tragic habits,
that that the formula for comic rabbits made.
-Robert Graves

Resolution 2006

It's going to be a new Morning, so let us forget the Late Nights.

In an innocent world, there is no need for worship for we are all one with God. To merely live in it, is worship in itself. However, when Fate intervenes, the straight path that outlines our lives meanders and curves around the onset of chances and circumstances. We stray off the line of guidance implanted within us. People then begin to worship in hopes of reorientating themselves apart from the spin of the Earth's serenade.
I am human, thus I need to worship. Contrary to popular belief, I do not think that worshipping is confined to being a religious activity. Morals is a form of worship in itself and it itself proves my point. I am human too, and thus, I need to worship.
Now is a crucial time, more than ever, that I need to be close to God, My God. Fate will intervene in my life. Tomorrow, I will be enlisting. It seems so sudden and surreal but I suppose it all happens sooner or later. With this intervention, change will occur and I am afraid of change.
I am not saying that I am innocent for I am certainly not But I am afraid of loosing my last few shreds whatever that is left I made a collage of photos of myself, my friends and other aspects of my life. ( kept neatly in my room) I was hoping that it would keep me grounded but I realise these pathetic pigments of colour would fade with time as would my footings. Now, I know God is the only way. I know I am still slightly confused and hesistant about you all the years, but my instinct tells me that you are the only way left.
You are not God. Yet you remind me a lot of him through your actions. I want to thank God too for this friendship and if things ever turn out for the worst, Please slap me. I mean it.
It seems so easy to just let everything go to the world. There are so many things it could grant me; large company of friends, a good love life, a good rank, an exciting life. But then again...

I would prefer my lifeline to be simple straight mark.


And so: The year before last, I made a long list of new year resolutions few of which were accomplished. Last Year, I made a resolution to have no resolution and leave everything to God. This year trusting God IS my resolution.