Pacing
23th Jan 2006:: 43 days left
The days seem to be getting faster. The morning, the breakfast, the training, lunch, training and dinner. The pace of life is really picking up.I supposed this is good. Very goood. Good sign.
I have been pondering in the loops of 'what if's. ' What if' Army would be cancelled tomorrow and I can return to my life in ACJC? 'What if' I make it through as a pilot and attain financial independence within 3 months of NS? 'What if' they would just let it go and leave me alone? 'What if' everything, this whole nightmare would come to a halt and 'What if' God suddenly appears to hold my hand, willingly work out the RO of my life with me. 'What if' ... So many damn What ifs in my life.
Before I came in, I swore to myself that I would never become an animal. I would never smoke, never swear... never become desperate. Yet sadly, I know that I have been dehumanised.Last week at the class party I found myself grunting like an angry hog.
Perhaps I should look at things from another perspective. Does army really make guys desperate. From MY observations, yes. But I really dont think that this is caused my the over-drive of testosterone or the lack of females. Rather, its the glorification of the attached status. As such many guys see getting attached not as a mere bloodlust but perhaps more as a form of recognition. Cases of True Love ignored in this theory. Nevertheless, there are other reasons. Being in Camp disconnects you from the outside world. In some warped way, having a girlfriend not only helps you share your troubles but also keeps you anchored to society. Having a girlfriend helps you preserve the little shreds of your old life.
There are times when I myself want that special connection with someone to anchor myself, feel secured. But then again. I have my friends and God. Argh. I tell myself that I need no anchor when I have a safety net. But lies, lies, I'm just comforting myself. Bull
The days seem to be getting faster. The morning, the breakfast, the training, lunch, training and dinner. The pace of life is really picking up.I supposed this is good. Very goood. Good sign.
I have been pondering in the loops of 'what if's. ' What if' Army would be cancelled tomorrow and I can return to my life in ACJC? 'What if' I make it through as a pilot and attain financial independence within 3 months of NS? 'What if' they would just let it go and leave me alone? 'What if' everything, this whole nightmare would come to a halt and 'What if' God suddenly appears to hold my hand, willingly work out the RO of my life with me. 'What if' ... So many damn What ifs in my life.
Before I came in, I swore to myself that I would never become an animal. I would never smoke, never swear... never become desperate. Yet sadly, I know that I have been dehumanised.Last week at the class party I found myself grunting like an angry hog.
Perhaps I should look at things from another perspective. Does army really make guys desperate. From MY observations, yes. But I really dont think that this is caused my the over-drive of testosterone or the lack of females. Rather, its the glorification of the attached status. As such many guys see getting attached not as a mere bloodlust but perhaps more as a form of recognition. Cases of True Love ignored in this theory. Nevertheless, there are other reasons. Being in Camp disconnects you from the outside world. In some warped way, having a girlfriend not only helps you share your troubles but also keeps you anchored to society. Having a girlfriend helps you preserve the little shreds of your old life.
There are times when I myself want that special connection with someone to anchor myself, feel secured. But then again. I have my friends and God. Argh. I tell myself that I need no anchor when I have a safety net. But lies, lies, I'm just comforting myself. Bull
posted by F I S at
9:53 pm
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