Grouchy (II)

Inarticulate. Speechless. Confinement. Square. Walls. Pressure. Just a squish. four sides inwards. Behind a screen, thug, tear. Inarticulate.


I told you that i was grouchy just now. Maybe I was. But the truth is... not entirely that.
I can't pinpoint the exact words to convey myself. Ironic isn't it?
I waited so many days for you to sign in, just so that I could tell you something that I eventually couldn't. Its not as simple as love, infatuation. I understand the E4 now. How conformity shuts you up, how it drove Wilfred Owen into a mental hospital. How it drove Norman Bowker to hang himself.
Its fear. I am ... fearful. I am what you people hate to see. How does it feel to see the forces that is supposed to guard the island undermined by something as simple as fickle insecurities? Army: The Decisive Force. Trembling. Shivering.
Yes dear. I am scared. I am fearful but I couldnt bring myself to say it. I just cannot. My ex-comrades in Ninja are all congratulating me on my posting. In reality, I am fearful of what is to come.
You are a friend, someone I can talk to, someone I want to talk to. A friend should be someone I can confide in. The past few chats have been great, filled with banter and laughter. Lately, I have been staying up through late nights and early mornings just to get a glimpse of you. But when I finally see you, I feel mute. Inarticulate, speechless, confined. There is so much I want to blurge out. Then I can't. Perplexed and contrasted. Sorry, I just can't. I told you i felt grouchy and signed off knowing full well that this would be the last time I talk to you in a long time.
I hope you forgive me for being fearful, but what I feel, I feel. I feel fearful, wimpy and vulnerable and ashamed of myself. I will write to you again.



This to my friends in Tekong:::: I'm sorry I cannot join you guys for your first book-out as I am confined for 3 weeks myself. Have a ball of a time and I will see you guys again. Stay strong and call me if you need advise on anything. :-)

A Simple Story

Long ago, in the vast deserts that covered the unknown world, there lived a traveling trader. During one of his journeys, he had to move through the barren grounds to reach his next destination in order to support his humble life style.
The cloudless sky gave him no solace from the glaring orange Sun that scorched the orange sands below his feet. Yet despite this, he had to slug his way through the burning dunes and sand.
Suddenly, through his sweat-filled eyes, a wavy silhouette appeared over the horizon. It was an old guru siting and meditating. Clenching his teeth, the trader made his tiring way to the guru and tried asking for water to quench his insatiable thirst. Instead, the guru simply murmured
"Gather all you can, before you cross the river"
Puzzled, the trader glanced around. There was no river in sight. So he bid the guru farewell and continued his journey. After another gruelling 2 days of travel, the trader was laden with fatigue. Slowly... he heard it. the sound. A sound of running water. There he stood, with his shaking legs, he dizzy eyes, before the river.
He was about to launch himself into the cooling water when he remembered the words of the guru. So he scanned around and carefully filled every one of his pockets with sand, pebbles and rocks to the very brim. Bulky and clumsilly, he stumbled through the river and took his time as the running water cooled his body.
When he got out, he felt even heavier than before. But it was not because his clothes were drenched in water. All the sands and pebbles he filled in his attire became gold.
Now as you cross your river soon. Make sure you gather all you can before you cross it...

This is a simple story I heard from my Officer in Command during my time in Ninja. I suppose it means a lot in a subtle way.

Basic Instincts

Just a random question I have been pondering.
If we see large fishes eating smaller fishes all the time,
Why do we find the thought of eating monkeys so disturbing?

Gone

Gone, its all gone. My photos of the last 3 years of my life are gone. Every single one is gone.
Great, wonderful. My sibling just HAD to use my hard drive as a bloody thumb drive without my damn permission. No point being angry, they're all gone anyways.
Note to all computer users in the world: The 'remove hardware safely' function was created for a reason. USB ports are not instant push and pull slots.

Closure

Its amazing how a simple alphabet summarises all the experiences that we went through. 

Closure

With one last song, blasting from the top of my lungs, a chapter of my life came to a close. My life as a ninja recruit has ended. Looking back at the company sign, I find it amazing how a simple alphabet summarises all the experiences that we went through. Closure.
POP is just one of the many closures I have had in this period of time. The release of the A level results was also another conclusion to a chapter of my life. The knowing that my academic life is officially over.
Holding the result slip in my left hand, I hesistated for a slight second before walking out the gates. Surely they say that 'once an Acsian, always an Acsian'. But the truth remains, that last step I took represents my departure from sheltered fairy tale life I have been living. I have gotten my AC year book. But everytime I flip it open it, I am reminded that the real book is closed.
I have also found out the truth about you. well, not really, i had suspected it all along but I finally had the confirmation. The factual realisation of reality is not the closure in itself, rather, it is my response to it. I feel no resentment, no anger, no bitterness. That is the true closure.

So I leave my JC life, my BMT and you behind.
Its amazing how a simple alphabet summarises all the experiences that we went through

Ninja 4

yep. platoon shirt. swanky 

Don't Drag

YArr, the Ninja Poster to be published soon.
Don't drag. Its bad for your health ... and your platoon mates' too. 

Vectors are fun

Publish and discard the empty cans
Of hopes smiles and laughing friends.
Spray the wall with one final round
And realise nothing is sound

As Sun goes down.

When I shall turn the business of my soul
To such exsufflicate and blown surmises,
Matching thy inference.
-Othello

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

its been a long time since I last shot 

 

Its been a long time since I last shot 

 

Smile on the nightmare's face 

Games Day