contemplation

This should answer a lot

Pedro is the spanish or portuguese form of Peter. Derived from the Greek word, Petros, meaning "stone". This is a translation used in most versions of the New Testament of the name Cephas (meaning "stone" in Aramaic) which was given to the apostle Simon by Jesus (compare Matthew 16:18 and John 1:42). Simon Peter was the most prominent of the apostles during Jesus's ministry and is considered by some to be the first pope.
Either ways, my name is intertwined with the imagery of a stone, a rock. There is also much biblical allusion to my faith being of a solid grounded foundation.
Last year, on the parade square. I lived up to my name. I felt "stoned" during my commission. I tried really hard to find purpose and a sense of achievement in my newly-earned ranks, but all I felt was emptiness. It was probably for this reason that I didn't see myself fit to be Delta's contingent commander, I thank you warrant Bala and Wayne for your support. (Wayne did a much better job anyways)
It felt so weird, it was one of the 2 events that psyched us through missions and yet... When I held my golden-weaved ranks in my hand on the final night... I felt nothing but fabrics. I looked through my photos, I could see that I was trying to smile. There was really no sense of achievement.
A couple of weeks back, I finished leading my recruits through the BIC and began to remember my training days. Why? why did I feel more accomplished in these 4 weeks than my whole 9 months in Delta altogether?
God is guiding me now. I was always worried that I would be transmogrified into a hormone-driven animal, or eventually an old man with nothing to anchor himself to but the pathetic pieces of metal upon his uniform.
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Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
- Matthew 6:19-21

Ctrl + Z

Why can't things go back the way they were?
I want to fight this silence but I just don't know where to start.
Does it really matter so much?
The more I try to ignore it, the more I think of it.
I'll remember this like yesterday,

The outline of the city against the night sky
and the dinner I never attended.
The delight of the night we had,
and the feelings we never shared.

I am staring at an empty envelope,
unsure of how what to send.
But the ink I feel inside,
fades with the light in your eyes.


damn ***** emoness

Stars

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

.

.

I've been thinkin' maybe I've been partly cloudy

Maybe I'm the chance of rain

And maybe I'm overcast and maybe

All my luck's washed down the drain

.

.

I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely

But when I look at the stars,

When I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars, the stars I feel like myself

.

.

Stars looking at our planet,

Watching enthropy and pain

And maybe startin' to wonder

How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

.

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I've been thinkin' 'bout the meaning of resistance

Of a hope beyond our own

And suddenly the infinite and penitent

Began to look like home

.

.

I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so empty

But when I look at the stars,

When I look at the stars I see someone else

---Stars

Content

Has it really been 2 years since that fateful day? 2 years since that delicate rice paper soaked with perfume and dried rose petals?
(It has also been exactly 1 year since my SITTEST.)
Looking back again, I feel very overwhelmed by the sheer mass of events that have passed me by. Cliches aside, it did not feel like a flash. It was a long draggy sting, 2 long painful years that have etched much into my outlook in life.
Should I be feeling content now?
I took a nights out because I found the coy too intoxicating, I just needed a breathe of air( and noodle supplies). I also took the time to look around to see how most of my friends are doing. Some studying, some in logistics, some in MDC, others in Guards and Commando. Its amazing how so many of these people ain't feeling 'content'.
Looking at them from a third person omniscient perspective, I really felt puzzled. Some have so many things others would beg for. Prestige, a job of their passion, recognition... and yet, many of them just want to be more.
I'm not saying that the thirst for improvement is a negative trait. Rather, many of them just keep on wanting to become something marvelous without the knowledge of how great/ fortunate they already are.
I think I know how that feels. Looking at someone who seems so much more superior than you and wishing that someday you could rival his calibre. It is ironic... we are not hoping to be more of ourselves, but trying to become someone else altogether.

My platoon took their PT Diagnostics today (prelims to their final IPPT), on the same day I took my sittest one year ago. Their grades from 8 passes out of 50 have jumped to 30, with even 3 Golds. I do not enforce it upon them to score silvers and golds, I am more than content the way they are and the way they are going. The legendary status of a 100% pass is within grasp... we'll grab it together and make history.

Happy Valentines everyone. I feel content.

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

Simple Pleasures of Life

:)

Stone

Take nothing but memories,
leave nothing but foot prints

New

We all learn this one day...

IDEALISM

It's hard to draw the line between patience and weakness.
You try so hard to suppress the tortures you went through. Ironically, fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Oblivious, totally oblivious to the consequences of their actions.
For now, I wish to suppress and continue believing.