Locations

After learning a new photography technique from Jon C today, I went on a photo-shoot around school. I am not determined to compile a series of photos of beautiful places in ACJC that were never appreciated or discovered. While this new dreams formulated, my old one died. It has become apparent that my long-dreamed (and scripted) arts movie would never take flight. Time is not a limiting factor and neither is inspiration. Unlike before, I feel the surging passion within me to create and to mould. Yet, the current circumstances have caused a serious reconsideration on my part:

Is human nature not a most interesting thing? With less than 2 months to A level, isn't it interesting how certain people still continue to skip school and avoid lessons? They brave their courage in the heart of danger, perhaps confident on their stupendous intellectual capacity to compensate for the lost lectures (which are still TEACHing, not revising). Confidently, they dissappear from the view, perhaps scheming out their academically-perfect plans in the comforts of their closets. However, when a single adult man steps in and threatens his authority, they all break into panic. They scurry their pens to compose letters of excuse, replacing symptoms of hangovers with that of flu, replacing late mornings with fever. They scurry to our form teacher (their source of comfort) in hopes of erasing the evidences of their 'pon'age. I therefore come to a thesis.

These people do not fear the dissappointment and the loss of opportunities. Instead, they fear punishment of DC. Ironic eh? I am confused whether to be worried over my friends or amused by the irony. Is it not interesting?.

Food

(courtesy of Leon)

Shades of Purple

Valdez

(courtesy of tim)

Don't say

4 pointers today

1.
Don't say assume you know me,

I'm not generous --- just stupid
I'm not forgiving --- just spineless
I'm not patient --- just too scared to do anything
I'm not loving --- just not hateful

2.
People assume that my love life is going fine from the love-bites they see on my neck. I don't tell them that they're from mosquitoes. (heh)

3. Heard two highly (not sacarstically speaking) intelligent friends arguing over whether the plural of octopus is octopusses or octopi. I sat there quiet and watched them debate as I busilly sucked my chicken neck and forgot to tell them that they were both correct.

4.
Stop singing, there is no more songs to sing. no more happy but sad, no more good things but bad.

Stop Singing

stop singing, there's nothing left to sing, nothing left to play.

Elysian Dream - =D =D

Drop dead

Moobies

Nair Nair

more height difference

goose--

Honours

Yearning

I saw you today. down by our yellow room, with the your nice blue sweater against the dull walls. People were watching, some in anticipation, but I didn't care for their opinion regarding what I did next. I took a deep breath, and asked you a question out of sincerity and within it hid a confession of my emotions. People laughed and the camera rolled, you brushed it off with as much sacarsism as you thought I meant it with. You brushed it off. You brushed me off.

Sometimes,
I just wish i could hold you by your shoulders,
And scream (just scream) into your heart
the intense thoughts I have, My wishes,
My fantasies, my yearnings, my care.
Sometimes I wish I could scream it all out.
But, sometimes,
I'm glad you ignore me and pretend nothing
at all could ruin our friendship.

___________________________

Its a moon-darling :)

Happy Streak

Happy Streak
I'm so happy again. And I'm so proud of my sister! check out her newest comics for the gov. :-)

Lag

I thought I could validate my failure but I cant. I searched through my papers and I can compile a huge list of what-went-wrongs. But suddenly it dawned upon me. I, myself, should be on the top of the list.
Emotions are most harsh when they are supported by reasoning and logic, and logically speaking, I am a failure. I am trash. I screwed up Prelims so fucking badly and all I did was waste a perfectly good opportunity to prove my worth. Then it dawned upon me. Maybe I did prove myself and that this is really what I am worth.
I cannot explain myself anymore, I feel completely ... dissected and exposed. I am stupid, so stupid, so stupid. One year has passed, and I am still so stupid.
My failure hurts quite bad. But my peevish jealousy in seeing everyone else do so well completely crushes me. Peevish jealousy in all my friends... and now this shame hurts me even more. I'm lost my grades, I lost my time, and now, I am losing my character. God help

Step Step

Means to an end

I shall break from my proposed blog-fast. The reason for this is that I feel that now is not a time to sulk and 'mook' over the past misfortunes. Today was the release of the preliminary exams for ACJC. Holding the scripts in my hands, I did better than I expected yet I was ghastly shocked by my own foolishness. I won't elaborate further on my results as I see no point in it. It's all arbitual. Some would say "its not that bad", while others would exclaim " *beep1*"
With hands in my pocket and the sun glaring on my back, I took a stroll to Holland V, contemplating what everything means. Slowly, I felt God telling me what's going on. Move on.
This might have been a screw-up, but at least I know how to make my next step. Its really weird how I feel indifferent from the normal passions of anger that usually rips my insides apart. Gone is the self-dissapointment, gone is the angst, gone is the failure.
I sat along the bleachers with my junkie-buddies and chatted, old-school style. That really made my day. Dodgeball playing in the background, carefree J1s strolling around with lanterns. The full moon glimmering through the clouds. Oh, what a night.
Ahhh.... Sat a cab ride home too despite my attempts at money-saving. But the journey was worth it. I had a really interesting exchange with the Driver. Simple things like these are the toppings to my cake. He told me something that would stick in my head for a long while.

"Grades can be lost and regained.
Money can be lost and earned again.
But, the moment you lose your character, it would be gone forever."

Pleco

As of roughly 10am this morning, my pleco (aka sucker-fish) finally died. He fought hard and well, but death took him afterall.
He was one of my most treasured fishes and the longest fish I have kept to date. I bought him as a small 5 cm baby along with my first aquarium. Staring at the 30cm long corpse, I wondered what went wrong. Me. I caused this. Nope, this isn't a self-blaming exercise, but in all seriousness, I caused his death. I should never have trusted those pacus with him, they were all growing too fast and aggressively.
I will not blog for 14 days and 14 nights.

Self-jack

Self jack, self jack, self jack, self jack, self jack!
Why am I always self-jacking myself??? Idiot idiot idiot.
Haha, but that was funny (to an ironic extent)

Slept for almost 18 hours yesterday. Had a dream about getting
EEE F for Prelims. Weird though, I felt relaxed and resigned when I recieved it. I am very sure my reaction would be the same next week to my results. EEE F. Not that bad la. Expectations kills off reality.
The F was a 'minus 10' for maths. Didn't occur to me, the nonsensical irony in it. But it doesnt bother me, actual results would be close.

Paradox

Its another one of those weird days filled with unnecessary paradoxes and contradictions. I feel that I should I wish you all the best and that today is a special day. But yet, I do not feel so strongly that I should. If it is a special day to you, I wish you all the best, but if it isn't, I shouldnt be seen taking advantage of the situation. Great, even my logic is screwed. Damn Adam Road food court~~ I publicly slam thee for shameful conduct and hygeine.

meaningful

I nothing academically productive today.
But, today was a hell of a day. Experiences were great.
Zoo was great with council.
East coast was great with the buddies.
Dinner was good with primary 6 toybox techno.
Today was good.

Star-gazing on the beach

OOP

Family

Family

5 minute long french movie

poser in the making

Fishing tackles life's problem

But they heed not my warnings, and left without me

Powerful swash today

Stoning

Fragile Forest

tis'is for grace

Tusk-to-tusk

Afternoon Nap

Banded Mongoose

360

Hanging joke

Clap Clap

Hamadryas Trail

Zhic Zhic

Got one of you afterall, mwaha

--

Minah

My first

Hichew

yan-sheng

mampos

}i am ttyping this entry with my left hand as i sprained my right hand when I lost balance doing a valdez yesterday, then worsening the siutation when I mispunched marc's punching bag later last night.
Teachers' day concert was a success. From where i was standing, I could see the smiles of the teachers. And that's allthat matters for yesterday. I feel contented. smiley.

dance dance

Tmr is teacher's day concert and I like Bhangra. I am famished and tired. My legs are numb beyond function as they try to juggle both bhangra and council items.
I came to realise something very important today. I am not a natural dancer. Hell no. In fact, I am the exact opposite of a dancer, I completely suck at it. But I enjoy the energy and the pulse, the beat and the world constructed by it. In it, everything that holds me down normally are taken apart and reaarranged. Certainly, there are new barriers and restrictions of moves, faltering memories and fatigue are constructed. But in the midst, all of old troubles evaporate. Emotions are gone, nada, nothing, nil during the dance. I become someone else... and with the transformation, pedro's troubles are washed away until the track ends.