Lag

I thought I could validate my failure but I cant. I searched through my papers and I can compile a huge list of what-went-wrongs. But suddenly it dawned upon me. I, myself, should be on the top of the list.
Emotions are most harsh when they are supported by reasoning and logic, and logically speaking, I am a failure. I am trash. I screwed up Prelims so fucking badly and all I did was waste a perfectly good opportunity to prove my worth. Then it dawned upon me. Maybe I did prove myself and that this is really what I am worth.
I cannot explain myself anymore, I feel completely ... dissected and exposed. I am stupid, so stupid, so stupid. One year has passed, and I am still so stupid.
My failure hurts quite bad. But my peevish jealousy in seeing everyone else do so well completely crushes me. Peevish jealousy in all my friends... and now this shame hurts me even more. I'm lost my grades, I lost my time, and now, I am losing my character. God help