Family

We all had one month to absorb the reality that she's gone.
Some did, but many didn't.
Yesterday, my grandmother's body was finally cremated.
My granny, or 'mar mar' as I used to call her passed away peacefully in her sleep after respiratory complications on the 27th of September. During that time, I was still having my training in Brunei and by the time I knew of the situation, she was already gone. She was 93.
My "mar mar" meant a lot to me. Not because of filial obligations but because she was my care-taker when I was still growing up in HK. Back then, I was still studying in kindergarten and SIS. My father was too busy working up the promotions in HSBC while my mom was even busier as a senior superintendant in the HK Police. Our maid did help out a lot but it was my granny who really molded our characters.
I'll be frank. She took a liking to my sister over me. She liked how possesive and aggressive my sister was and not to mention a physical resemblance to her own. She would always praise my sister whenever she did anything. For me, however, she seemed to be more docile and relaxed. I remember how I used to see her saying grace before meals. (something which I found awkward in an almost fully buddist family) I supposed due to wishes from my parents, she did not preach the words to me then.
But there was one encounter which has recently surfaced in my mind. It was a dull saturday afternoon and my parents were not home. I was a hyperactive youth and went stumbling around the house. Upon entering my granny's room, I saw her praying. That time, I did not know what she was doing and curiously asked.
She said she was praying to our father.
Taken a back, i asked further, especially since daddy was at work.
"No... the father i pray to is the Father to all. He is father of the first man, Adam and he is also the father of you."
She then taught me that we can pray anytime and anywhere. We just needed to pray to pray even if there was nothing to pray to. sheepishly, I asked... if he was the father, who was the mother. She smiled and told me he was both. That really threw me off track back then.
But its amazing in retrospect. It was because of my granny that I learnt about my heavenly father and even how to pray before I even learnt how to speak English.
In August this year, I felt a strange calling that I had to see my granny. I didn't expect it to be my last but I knew i had to see her. I applied leave and went with my mom.
I remember when she first saw me, she grabbed my hand and smiled from ear to ear. She thought i was my dad. She seemed baffled for a while when my mom told her that I was me. But after she realised i was her grandson, she continued smiling.

I saw many relatives crying yesterday. Many of them haven't said their final words to her. Those that felt the worst were those living in Canada and America. So many things they wanted to say but they didn't have the time to.
I've been thinking about something recently. If i were on my deathbed. What would be the last things I wish to see? Money? a degree? A bussiness empire? No... I want to see the smiling faces of my family and friends. I dont want to see tears and sadness, that means I'm leaving too soon. I want to tell everyone to smile and that I am happy for having them in my lives. I suppose this is why its important to know what really matters in life-- and tell them how much they mean to you.