Long time, So let's restart

Yes, its been a hell long time since I last blogged consistently. To post up my fickle life in hopes of public recognition is simple of an individual's instincts for reaffirmation of one's identity. However, Lately, I found another means of self verification: pain.
If you have noticed, my constantly changing msn nickname has been removed and placed as my email address as the msn default. Why? Did I ran out of names? After 3 years of msn chatting, this change in the nick has finally brought full circle to the original name I started off. To understand myself, I realized I should stop creating further fallacies about myself and go straight back to my roots, my beginning. The layout? My heart is a void. A deck that hold an cavity waiting to be filled. My all white layout prior to this is a symbol of my self awareness. My time with you has been wonderful. Every passing day, hour, minute and second I spend you, a little bit more of my void is filled up. OF course, reality reeks and rots a delusionist such as myself. On the very grounds and gravel that are trodden beneath my feet, I know that we may not sit and watch the passing carriages together. My void will never be filled up to the brim. But it was thanks to you, that at least a column of my life is alive. I will always be a boy and you will always be you.I am neither angst nor jealous, neither anxious nor suicidal. So please do not hold back any hesitation and doubt over the final decision.
I may always be stupid and paunchy, slow and un-romantic, annoying and uncommitted, over-bugging yet never there. But there is one thing that I can confirm with you: I will always be me. (good and bad)