Why (the real post on 060806)
Its Odd, I cannot explain this.
Everyone I seem to care for seems to get hurt sooner or later.
Be it family or friends (especially friends), the moment I try to help out in their lives, be a listening ear or a helping hand, they seem to plunge deeper into their problems. Its not just one time, but everytime. The more I try to help, the more entangled they become. And that is simply caring. It gets worst.
I hardly tell people about my love life, but everytime I stoop for someone, either one of us gets hurt. Like a rusty vinyl record that repeats itself, I see it all happening again and again. There was a time when I told myself and others I don't want to love anymore, using NS as an excuse to hide my own cowardice and fear.
Its odd and I cannot explain this. I wish I could send you the unsent letter I wrote in truest sincerity, but I can't (its unsent) so I will try to fringe upon the matter through implications.
I do not know whether this is happening as I am going a tough period of my life or whether its occurring independently of the variables I face. But you and I have gotten much closer thoughout the year. Perhaps I am simply marking you as a pillar of security in my turbulent life or maybe I am really begining to feel what I fear in the begining. Please do not get freaked out as I am as freaked out as you. I really wanted to keep this in until I finish my officer cadet course, but sometimes the doubt and burden it creates seems heavier than the Machine Gun Tripod that rests on my back.
We talk and behave like pals and I feel happy that we are. You remind of all the great innocent fun I had in JC but you are also the first person whom I want to grow up for. This is the conflicting emotion that I cannot explain, the conflicting emotions that leads to conflicting ideals that lead to conflicting motives.
Its odd and I cannot explain this. The values that guide my conduct seems so chaotic. But at the end of today, there is only one assurance I want you to know. I will not let myself hurt you. Please be a pal before I sort myself out and dont take more burden upon yourself.
Everyone I seem to care for seems to get hurt sooner or later.
Be it family or friends (especially friends), the moment I try to help out in their lives, be a listening ear or a helping hand, they seem to plunge deeper into their problems. Its not just one time, but everytime. The more I try to help, the more entangled they become. And that is simply caring. It gets worst.
I hardly tell people about my love life, but everytime I stoop for someone, either one of us gets hurt. Like a rusty vinyl record that repeats itself, I see it all happening again and again. There was a time when I told myself and others I don't want to love anymore, using NS as an excuse to hide my own cowardice and fear.
Its odd and I cannot explain this. I wish I could send you the unsent letter I wrote in truest sincerity, but I can't (its unsent) so I will try to fringe upon the matter through implications.
I do not know whether this is happening as I am going a tough period of my life or whether its occurring independently of the variables I face. But you and I have gotten much closer thoughout the year. Perhaps I am simply marking you as a pillar of security in my turbulent life or maybe I am really begining to feel what I fear in the begining. Please do not get freaked out as I am as freaked out as you. I really wanted to keep this in until I finish my officer cadet course, but sometimes the doubt and burden it creates seems heavier than the Machine Gun Tripod that rests on my back.
We talk and behave like pals and I feel happy that we are. You remind of all the great innocent fun I had in JC but you are also the first person whom I want to grow up for. This is the conflicting emotion that I cannot explain, the conflicting emotions that leads to conflicting ideals that lead to conflicting motives.
Its odd and I cannot explain this. The values that guide my conduct seems so chaotic. But at the end of today, there is only one assurance I want you to know. I will not let myself hurt you. Please be a pal before I sort myself out and dont take more burden upon yourself.
posted by F I S at
9:43 pm
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