irritant

Lately, there have been many things I wish to ponder. So many windows I want to open, yet I only doors closing. I wish to skim across a tranquility which isn't there. I want to sink my teeth into flesh that I cannot find. I want to love someone I am not sure of. The state of body often reflects the state of mind. Polluted, vile, disturbed and even missing. I can feel missing chunks within me, disintegrating slowly.... (a brief cut and censorship).... Yesterday, I found a shikcening shocking truth: I like cheap thrills. While waiting for parents to return to the empty Maplewood's apartment to move away the furniture, I instinctively started to entertain myself with cheap thrills.1) trying to 3 empty coke cans2)throwing a green rubber smiley ball very hard around a room and trying to dodge it a few times before catching it3) tossing abandoned pokemon cards like a ninja shuriken4) Fighting an imaginary enemy with a green light saberconclusion: I should really have closed the curtains