To _______

I know that you never read my blog.
never once in all the time that we've been together
and chances are that you will never read this entry
not now, not never.

but I want you to know
that despite all the shit that is happening around
things aren't what they seem.

The past few months have been chaotic. confusing. messy.
The last time I saw you. I saw resolve.
This is resolution that I have gotten over it.
but I mistook it for the urge to start looking.

_____,
I've been a mess.
But recently, through the absolution of one I don't even know/
I see the clarity of everything:
you are still the best i ever had.