Virtus pubertas

virtus pubertas ~~





Manhood is something most friends would not expect me to talk about. I have always avoided the topic it makes me feel embarrassed and awkward. More importantly, the very topic of it signifies change and the end of the very childhood I long to hold on too. Close friends may notice how I never referred myself to as a 'man', the very idea of it made me shirk. I prefer to called a 'guy' and perhaps for that reason, I refused to learn driving. I probably saw it as an acknowledgement to my own independence.
Most people and teenages would welcome this idea with open arms. Freedom and the pride of self-reliance seems so splendid to embrace. I, however, have always seen these "privileges" to come at the cost of responsibility. If one is to lift his own life and perhaps the lives of others, he must be ready for the cost of responsibilities of these implications. I knew that I was never ready and so I never even took the symbolic first step of learning to drive. Ridiculous eh?

But... things have been changing. In Delta, I am being treated like a man. We are given responsibilities to take care of and tasks to fulfil above our basic duties. I finally see it now; how we are no longer recruits scrapping to get by our sargents undetected. I am expected to fulfil all of my tasks and duties with quality and intensity. I am not ordered to but expected to. They are training me to be a man.
Maybe this is why I have been contemplating many things I never did before. Money, future, family, future livehood..... future family.
These thoughts did not come in small ripples, they overwhelmed me in a sudden sweep when I realised I am 19 years old. I am 19 years old, I have not taken allowances from my parents for 4 months. I have a job. I have expectations.
In case you are wondering why there is a picture of a gun on top. Its a GPMG, General Purpose Machine Gun. It has a calibre of 7.62 mm,weighing 11.4 kg by itself , 22.2 kg with the tripod, 32.1kg with everything in the picture (feeding box of 250 rounds).
Few years ago in Delta, a cadet was checking clear his GPMG in a training shack prior to live firing. Negligently, he squeezed the trigger without doing the SOP clearing of arms. One round was fired straight into his friend 3 metres in front of him. The round entered his friends stomach, richochet his ribs internally and exited the body through the neck. Things has never been the same again.
Last week my section instructor appointed me the MG gunner probably as a joke. Nevertheless it got me thinking, am I ready to take on such a task a responsibility, especially as my service terms begins to close? I am ready to ensure I can take care of myself, the rifle and everyone else within the rifle's firing range of 3,700 metres? As my friends (who were also arrowed into the MG team) continued to joke about being in the team, my instructor asked me if I am really fine with it.

I smiled but I didnt really give a proper answer. I was not afraid of the rifle or the load. I was afraid of the responsibilities it came with.
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virtus pubertas ~~