Pride

It took me 9 months to notice how lost I have become.
some people may wish to associate what we go through with pride.
It sweetens things up, make everything feel so much better.
Its alright if many of you have the wrong percpetion of us. We all did too before we came in.
Cultured, smart gentlemen in a crisp white, clean uniform, standing on the parade square holding a polished sword. The fire is seen through his eyes, his passion on his face. OH! how smart he looks.
But that is not what we really are. That is not the final product, that is not even a proper depiction of us.
What about the sweat and the tears? (**** the common expression) What about the mud, the dirt, the shit, the piss we endured. Do you know what ugly things we have seen or possibly even become?
I sat there stunned. A quiet epiphany that dawned upon me. I am not the dreamy knight fairy tales are made of. I didn't even come close.

I am just a rugged grunt who was lucky in the early months of bmt. I hoped to be more... for you guys. for you, for me, for everyone. Now God goes in full circle and slaps me back to square one. He made me notice that there is a grunt in all of us. But I lost myself and let the grunt take over.
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Some things are better left unsaid.