Write this down

Epiphany. A sudden perception of the essential nature of a thing.
Maria: "You had an epiphany before prelims, before A levels and now, all of which are the same. Why don't you write it down?"
That is precisely what I am doing now. Epiphany. A retreat in HK and a casual talk with jude somewhat massaged my mind and eyes.
I guess it would be fair to say that I didn't really discover a new dimension three times over. Rather, I merely found this reality and had my thoughts deviating 3 time round it. So before I stray off in another orbit, I would write it down. Imprint it and preserve the sensation of it.
Epiphany.
Guys are naturally desperate. Everyday, I see guys trying to pick up a girl. The girl of their dreams, they say. They may try to romanticise it and glorify their primal instincts by calling it passion. But this is not passion, this is desperation. A desperation for a soft, balmy palm to hold. A desperation for company. A desperation for acceptance. A desperation for sensual satisfaction. This often occurs in an insincere (but not necessarilly blind, random) manner. Passion, on the other hand, is not the defiance of logic in the sake emotions. It is, in fact, the reasoning and logic that is derived from emotions. Many guys are not passionate. They are simpy desperate. Determination does not equate to passion in the same way how effort does not equate to sincerity.
BGR is a tricky issue. The very basic fundamentals of a BGR is connectivity and compatability. You share that powerful connection with someone and they share it with you too. You therefore get attached because you love the other. Very often, the situation is reversed without people knowing. Instead of waiting for that special connection, they see love as a bluetooth network. Viewing everyone as a possible dating candidate. If the very foundation of the BGR is perversed in such a manner.. it would percolate upwards into the relationship itself.
As such, I realised that I do not need to go out searching for a soul mate. Neither do most of us. I suddenly remembered how I prayed to God on the first day of school (after orientation) not for me to become hormone-driven ...thing. I remember how I asked him to give me patience and that he would bless me with a sign to tell me his will. I suddenly remembered it all and noticed that I deviated one full circle around him.

Thus, I wil wait. Wait for God. Meanwhile, I will take my time and pleasure to enjoy all the other aspects of life that I am blessed with.